George Carlin’s advice on separating 4 groups of criminals - and make money off it from corporate sponsorship and TV deals - into state prison farms.

An aside: I was at this show at The Beacon in NYC. We go inside and when we find our seats, we realize that the seats have been taken out for HBO’s cameras. An usher noticed our confusion and asked to follow him to the front row, where there were seats waiting for us. Pretty, pretty good.

“Pretty soon you’ll have a melting pot. Child-killers, corpse-fuckers, drunk-zombies and full blown whacka-loons wandering the landscape in search of truth and fun…just like now!”

Entered the New Yorker cartoon caption contest with my amazing “No SOPA, Internet” joke. Just fitting that this week’s contest involves two members of the animal kingdom - while I think elephants are more appropriate (though the New Yorker says ducks are much funnier*), I’ll go with snakes. Enter the contest here. *Subscription required for full article: “Comparing scores for the same joke with different animals inserted in it, we found that the funniest animal of all is a duck. So science has determined that, if you’re going to tell a talking-animal joke, make it a duck” (Richard Wiseman, quoted in Tad Friend, “What’s So Funny?,” The New Yorker, Nov. 11, 2002, p. 79).

Entered the New Yorker cartoon caption contest with my amazing “No SOPA, Internet” joke. Just fitting that this week’s contest involves two members of the animal kingdom - while I think elephants are more appropriate (though the New Yorker says ducks are much funnier*), I’ll go with snakes.

Enter the contest here.

*Subscription required for full article:

“Comparing scores for the same joke with different animals inserted in it, we found that the funniest animal of all is a duck. So science has determined that, if you’re going to tell a talking-animal joke, make it a duck” (Richard Wiseman, quoted in Tad Friend, “What’s So Funny?,” The New Yorker, Nov. 11, 2002, p. 79).

Americans for a Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, has released its first ad to air in South Carolina - narrated by Jon Lithgow, the ad goes after Mitt “The Ripper” Romney. And of course, there’s a press release:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC Releases First Ad, Begins To Regret Length Of Name

AMERICA – The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC released its first TV ad today, in advance of South Carolina’s upcoming unnamed GOP Primary. The ad, which takes an objective look at Mitt Romney’s private sector experience, is entitled “Attack In B Minor For Strings.”

“Mitt Romney claims to be pro-corporations,” said Jon Stewart, President of The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC. “But would you let him date your daughter’s corporation? Americans have been clamoring for a comprehensive study of this crucial issue, so we splurged for the full sixty-second commercial. We think South Carolinians will agree – they deserve a leader who shares their state’s values, and perhaps even their state’s initials.”

The new spot begins airing today in a major ad buy that will blanket South Carolina from Charleston all the way to North Charleston. Those of you with some free AOL hours left can view the ad here.

The Definitely Not Coordinated With Stephen Colbert Super PAC, officially known as Americans For A Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow, is an independent, expenditure-only committee that’s been proudly serving the community since late Thursday.

Click through to Colbert’s Super PAC site for more information, including a note from Jon Stewart.